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Babies, Children, Family, Mothers, Parenting, Parenting Advice

Tips on Creating Healthy Sleep Habits for Your Child

Baby-Sleeping

How is your child sleeping? Give him the gift of a Good Night’s Sleep!

Sleep. We all need it, and we don’t know how important it is until we can’t get enough of it? Are you a mother? Then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

Can you still remember what it feels like to look into your partner’s eyes? To have time to read a magazine, take a long bath and just generally have a life? Or are you constantly on pyjama drill? Wondering when this “punishment of motherhood” will end.

Sleep is vital for all humans to be healthy: it’s when we recharge so we’re at our personal best. Bad sleeping habits are linked to issues such as obesity, poor performance, ADHD, car accidents… to name just a few! If your child is not sleeping well, you’re likely not to either and this could be detrimental to your health as well as your child’s! However, if addressed early on, sleep problems can be overcome. The bad news is bad sleepers do not just “grow out of it”. But the good news is there is a lot you can do about it!

Here are a few myths about sleep that you need to be aware of:
Myth #1 ~ All soothers are good for my child’s sleeping habits.
Unfortunately not all soothers (be it a dummy, taglet blanket, moms fingers, milk) are good for your child’s sleeping habits. It depends on your child’s age and tendency’s, but chances are that he can use some of these to aid him/herself in falling asleep which never teaches him the skill of self-soothing.

Myth #2 ~ The later I put my child in bed and the more tired he gets during the day, the better he will sleep.

Actually it works the other way around. The better rested your child is, and putting him/her to bed at an appropriate bed time, actually makes them sleep better and longer.

Myth #3 ~ Some children are just bad sleepers and they will grow out of it eventually.

Did you know that studies have shown that adults who tend to have insomnia and bad sleeping habits were actually bad sleepers as children? Sleeping is actually a skill we need to teach our children, just like walking, eating and drinking. Your child will not grow out of it! The earlier you address it the better!

 

Baby sleeping2

Myth #4 ~ I can wait to start teaching my child the skills to sleep when he is older or on solids.

The fact of the matter is that we as parents interfere with our children’s healthy development of good sleep cycles. There is so much that we can do better from the day they are born to implement healthy sleep associations and awake-sleep cycles.

Myth #5 ~ The only way I can teach my child to self sooth is to leave him to cry-it-out.

Teaching your child to self sooth is not just a matter of leaving him to cry. There is so much that you can do as parent to follow a structured sleep plan that will give your child’s this skill. Sleep is influenced by so many things; stimulation, routine, feeding habits, bedtime, health, discipline, and a trained professional can help you to implement changes in your child’s life that learn him the art to self sooth. Remember that crying is your child’s way of protesting change, and not all crying is bad.

Myth #6 ~ It is selfish of me to want to have my child sleep through the night.
Remember that teaching your child self soothing strategies are not about you! Consolidated, uninterrupted 11/12 hours of sleep is what your child needs.

By taking the necessary steps to achieve restful, consolidated sleep for your child you will be giving them a skill they will carry with them throughout their lives. And this is truly a gift.

The Author Petro Thamm is a mom, and founder of Good Night Baby, a certified Sleep Sense Consultancy. For more help on sleep related matters for your baby and/or toddler, contact Petro via email at: [email protected], or you can visit their website by clicking here  or join their Facebook fan page.

Source: Information & Images from Goodnight Baby

Babies, Children, Competitions, Family, Lifestyle, Parenting, Parenting Advice

Babies In Mind

Having a baby is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it can sometimes feel traumatic, depressing and even frightening. Everyone has their own birth experience and stories to tell but very often they will neglect to mention the ‘best kept secret’, that babies are sometimes hard and parenthood – particularly motherhood can be gruelling but at the same time, of course, it is the best thing in the world.

I thought I would share some facts on motherhood and parenting with you:

• Women are more likely to become depressed in the first year after having a baby (and the last trimester in pregnancy) than any other time in their lives.
• 10-15% of mothers develop postnatal depression (PND), and in developing countries and poverty-stricken areas, the figures are much higher.
• Research has shown that 1/3 of Khayelitsha moms suffer from PND.
• Suicide is the leading cause of maternal death in developed countries.
• The new father can also get depressed. Dads often feel left out and unwanted when babies come along.

As a new mom, it’s so hard to feel frustrated, disappointed, confused, depressed and anxious when you’re expected to be blissfully happy. The media contributes to this problem by perpetuating a lie about motherhood and babies by publishing only pictures of young, beautiful, skinny, model mothers, and bouncy, smiley, contented babies. There are relatively few pictures in baby and parenting magazines of the graveyard shift, mothers looking and feeling like hell, trying to soothe an unhappy baby, trying to breastfeed a screaming baby who can’t seem to latch, etc. In the context of this fairy tale, idealized image of how motherhood and babies are supposed to be, the reality can feel like a huge let down. It can even feel like a betrayal.

The truth is that real babies can disappoint their parents sometimes …especially sick babies, colicky or reflux prone babies, unplanned babies, high need babies who cry a lot and are irritable and difficult to soothe, babies who don’t feed well, and babies who are abnormal or handicapped in some way. It’s very disappointing when you realize that your baby can’t meet your own unmet needs and he won’t be everything you want him to be.

It is vital to have a support system during parenting, especially in the first few months. The loving support of a spouse is really important! Part of the dad’s role in the beginning is to look after the new mother. Support from friends and family is also protective, as long as it is the kind of support that empowers rather than controls. Often your own mother can be the most powerful factor that either strengthens or undermines your ability to cope as a new mom. Connecting with other people, especially other new moms, is extremely important. New mothers are often socially isolated, and being alone with an unhappy baby is not easy.

If you find yourself struggling as a new parent or if you need emotional support or guidance with your baby, contact one of our Babies in Mind practitioners in your area, either to join one of our workshops, attend one of our talks, or for individual consultations. All our practitioners are mental health professionals with specialized training and expertise.

Babies in Mind, written by Jenny Perkel, is all about staying sane during the wonderful but challenging first year of your baby’s life. It is the guide to help you understand both yourself and your baby from a psychological perspective. Feeding, sleeping and crying usually bring the most stress to parents and their babies. They are the classic sanity wreckers. Read about these and other sanity wreckers like high need babies and postnatal depression.

We are excited to let you know that we have three copies of the Babies In Mind to giveaway! Babies In Mind, written by Jenny Perkel, author of Babies in Mind and Streets of Jewels, she is a clinical psychologist, a mother and a trained nurse / midwife who has published numerous articles about babies, children and parenting for South African magazines.

All you need to do to win a copy of this wonderful book for yourself or a friend is show us some Facebook love!  Follow the simple steps on the entry form below:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Competition Details:

  • The Babies In MInd Giveaway will run from 2nd December 2012, until the 10th December 2012. The winner/s will then be selected via the Rafflecopter form and announced on my blog and on Facebook. The winners will also be notified via email.
  • Please leave a comment on this blog, below the post, stating that you have completed the above, along with your details in the comment section below this post (please use a valid email address). Your details will be used to validate your entry if you are selected as a winner.
  • Conditions of entry: Anyone may enter this giveaway but please be advised that the various companies sponsoring prizes on Super Mom Blog, are based in South Africa and therefore prizes will only be shipped within South Africa. The prizes may not be exchanged for cash. 

 

Children, Family, Parenting, Parenting Advice

Parenting With Purpose

 

Are you parenting with purpose?

Before I get into more detail let’s look at my parenting journey. I was a fairly young parent starting out, something that I am truly grateful for, but I do realise most have very little control over this. Having a baby, like most other things, came easy to me; no great fuss, we decided we wanted a baby and it pretty much happened instantly. Great you may think but sometimes you get more than you bargain for! I have never been the most patient person and I guess I am rather selfish by nature, so my introduction into parenthood was anything but smooth. In actual fact I fought it all the way but being young it meant that life could still kick the stubbornness out of me. I was gifted with a perfect baby girl who made it her life mission to challenge all the parts of me that needed it.

The early weeks of being a new parent were probably the most difficult adjustment I have had to make in my life. You are thrown into an unknown world with little or no preparation for what you are doing. Normal daily functions become a luxury (even eating a meal is a challenge) and sleep you can forget about completely! It is amazing what sleep deprivation can do to a person. My early days of being a mom are somewhat of a blur. Certain things I think I have chosen to block from my memory but what I can say for sure is that I have grown immensely as a parent and a person since those early days.

We have moved on somewhat since those early days, two children later and hopefully a fair amount wiser! I do feel that it is valuable to take stock and assess how far I have come as a parent and for that matter as a person! So what kind of parent am I? Well I am neither a helicopter parent, who watches their child’s every move, nor am I the standby and watch-it-happen-type. I feel that I am somewhere in the middle. My decision quite a while ago was never to push my children into things they did not want to do. Do not get me wrong, I care very much whether my children succeed or fail but they need to choose what they fail or succeed at. I once made the fatal error of encouraging (ok pushing!) my eldest to take dance lessons, until one day I enquired whether she was enjoying it. Her little face turned to mine with a rather anxious expression “no mom” – when I asked why she was doing dancing if she was not enjoying it, her very innocent but alarming response was “I am doing it for you”!!!

This event was all the wakeup call I needed; my decision from that day forward was to never push my children but rather to encourage them. I see it every day, parents pushing and driving their children to the brink of near exhaustion, trying to be the best at everything. You really have to ask yourself whether it is all worth it? Will it make them better people in the long run? Probably not; very successful possibly, but well-rounded I don’t think so!

So what am I getting at? Well when I started out as a parent I had no idea where I wanted my parenting journey to lead to, but along the way I have come to realise that my duty as a parent is to be an advisor rather than a dictator, which does not come easy to me because I like to be in control. It may not be perfect but I want to let my children experience life for themselves, not some version that I have orchestrated for them.

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. ~ Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

Teaching our children to be independent and stand on their own two feet will better equip them for life once they have to face the big wide world on their own. As parents we need to be on hand and ready to pick up the pieces if necessary but it is by living life that lessons are learned.

Parenting with purpose is something I am very passionate about and while I may not be a professional or do not have all the answers, I do feel that I have knowledge to impart and want to share my insights with you in the hope that it will be of some help in your parenting journey!

I would love hear from you – what has been the hardest part of your parenting journey and what has it taught you?

Too read more of my parenting insights click here

 

 

Children, Family, Fathers, Mothers, Parenting, Parenting Advice

Guilt Free Parenting

 

Much to my surprise the word “guilt” seems to be largely associated with the act of parenting; I have come across a few articles recently about this very association. Strangely enough they actually should have nothing in common but still we keep hearing about how guilty parents feel about : “ not spending enough quality time with their children”, “not participating in school events or functions”, “not giving equal attention to each child”… and so the list goes on.

Firstly let us look at the dictionary definition of the word “guilt” – “an awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret”.  “OMW” 🙁 this does not sound like a healthy mind-set for someone trying to parent children.

The big question is, why are we feeling so much guilt and are we passing the “Guilt Gene” onto our children? I sincerely hope not because the last thing I want is my children growing up, with such a negative outlook.

If I think back to my early days of motherhood, I can remember feeling completely overwhelmed by the responsibility I had for this young life – if you let it, this can turn into feelings of guilt, inadequacy and even depression. We might not realise it but we may harbour feelings of regret or guilt from our own childhood and this can often manifest, in a damaging way in our own parenting.

Just the other day my 8-year-old was questioning why I had not completed filling in her baby journal and yes this is true (*Blush*) but I decided that instead of feeling guilty about it I would suggest that we complete it together! The result – making the experience a positive and bonding one, instead of me feeling wracked with guilt and explaining that I am not perfect . {And honestly have just not had the time.}

So what can we do to stop this pattern from occurring in our lives? I think, essentially we need to say NO to guilt! This brings me back to an article I read many years ago. I cannot tell you who wrote it but the essence is: you need to practice “good enough parenting”. This sounds like such an easy concept but think about it – you actually need to learn how to say “no”. That means not over committing yourself – which can be hard for many of us to do, especially moms. Stop being a people pleaser – ask me, I know I am one; stop trying to be everything to everybody! This includes your children. I need to remind myself, that I do not always have to give in to everything they want and I need to say no sometimes and yes – not feel guilty about it.

Another very important part of not allowing guilt to rule your life is not being afraid to fail because if we let our fear of not being a good parent or making mistakes take over, we can never be who we were truly intended to be as people or parents! So it really comes down to “the good, the bad and the ugly” no holds barred Guilt Free Parenting.

This clearly is something I know I need to work on – so let’s say it together “I will banish the guilt!” Stop trying so hard and being so hard on yourself -stop the blame game – let it go and just be free from it!

A few books on the topic which could be helpful to read:
  • “Guilt-Free Motherhood: Parenting with Godly Wisdom”- by Julianna Slattery
  • “Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, & Raise Happier Kids”- by Julie Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner MSW
  • “The Balanced Mom: Raising Your Kids Without Losing Yourself”- by Bria Simpson
  • “Motherhood Without Guilt: Being The Best Mother You Can Be and Feeling Great About It”-by Debra Rosenberg

*Please note: This is an update of a previous post.*

 

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