Managing Expectations

I find that if I am not managing my own expectations, I am managing my families expectations. Which is something that is easier said than done.

Firstly we need to understand why we place such high expectations on ourselves. It could be to obtain the approval and acceptance of others or to feel happy and fulfilled. Although expectations can be a positive influence, too much of anything is not good and unrealistic expectations can have a negative impact on our lives.


I find myself asking, where do these pressures come from; ourselves largely, but there are definitely outside influences. Our family and peers can place expectations on us in relation to how we dress, where we live, who we marry etc. Teachers can play a big role in the pressure that is placed on our children and it is definitely something I have been aware of since my girls started grade school. Parents can also play a part in the unrealistic expectations that are placed on their children. As adults we put pressure on ourselves and strive for achievement and success. The media and society also put pressure on woman and young girls to look a certain way and this can lead to anorexia and bulimia. The scary reality is girls as young as nine are being diagnosed with these eating disorders.

 Why do we expect so much? Possibly because we just want the best for ourselves and others. Something which never occurred to me until now, is that perhaps, as parents we do it because we are trying to live through our children’s experiences. To fulfill a dream that we had as a child, like learning to play piano or being captain of a team.


My concern is what affect this will have on my children. You hear of more and more cases of childhood depression and anxiety. If we place too much pressure on our children and they do not succeed this can lead to low self esteem. Therefore realistic expectations of both the person and the situation are a better idea.

So it becomes a balancing act, of encouraging a realistic amount of expectation and not losing sight of the other aspects of our lives. It boils down to the enjoyment as well as the reward and helping our children understand that life is not a race, that you have to win at all costs. That there is a relevant time for everything in life. We are already faced with bringing our children up in this fast paced ‘winner takes all’ world, so why put undue pressure on them and ourselves. Give yourself a break, look after yourself  and your family and take time out to enjoy yourself along the way.