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Children, Family, Parenting, Parenting Advice

Parenting With Purpose

 

Are you parenting with purpose?

Before I get into more detail let’s look at my parenting journey. I was a fairly young parent starting out, something that I am truly grateful for, but I do realise most have very little control over this. Having a baby, like most other things, came easy to me; no great fuss, we decided we wanted a baby and it pretty much happened instantly. Great you may think but sometimes you get more than you bargain for! I have never been the most patient person and I guess I am rather selfish by nature, so my introduction into parenthood was anything but smooth. In actual fact I fought it all the way but being young it meant that life could still kick the stubbornness out of me. I was gifted with a perfect baby girl who made it her life mission to challenge all the parts of me that needed it.

The early weeks of being a new parent were probably the most difficult adjustment I have had to make in my life. You are thrown into an unknown world with little or no preparation for what you are doing. Normal daily functions become a luxury (even eating a meal is a challenge) and sleep you can forget about completely! It is amazing what sleep deprivation can do to a person. My early days of being a mom are somewhat of a blur. Certain things I think I have chosen to block from my memory but what I can say for sure is that I have grown immensely as a parent and a person since those early days.

We have moved on somewhat since those early days, two children later and hopefully a fair amount wiser! I do feel that it is valuable to take stock and assess how far I have come as a parent and for that matter as a person! So what kind of parent am I? Well I am neither a helicopter parent, who watches their child’s every move, nor am I the standby and watch-it-happen-type. I feel that I am somewhere in the middle. My decision quite a while ago was never to push my children into things they did not want to do. Do not get me wrong, I care very much whether my children succeed or fail but they need to choose what they fail or succeed at. I once made the fatal error of encouraging (ok pushing!) my eldest to take dance lessons, until one day I enquired whether she was enjoying it. Her little face turned to mine with a rather anxious expression “no mom” – when I asked why she was doing dancing if she was not enjoying it, her very innocent but alarming response was “I am doing it for you”!!!

This event was all the wakeup call I needed; my decision from that day forward was to never push my children but rather to encourage them. I see it every day, parents pushing and driving their children to the brink of near exhaustion, trying to be the best at everything. You really have to ask yourself whether it is all worth it? Will it make them better people in the long run? Probably not; very successful possibly, but well-rounded I don’t think so!

So what am I getting at? Well when I started out as a parent I had no idea where I wanted my parenting journey to lead to, but along the way I have come to realise that my duty as a parent is to be an advisor rather than a dictator, which does not come easy to me because I like to be in control. It may not be perfect but I want to let my children experience life for themselves, not some version that I have orchestrated for them.

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. ~ Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

Teaching our children to be independent and stand on their own two feet will better equip them for life once they have to face the big wide world on their own. As parents we need to be on hand and ready to pick up the pieces if necessary but it is by living life that lessons are learned.

Parenting with purpose is something I am very passionate about and while I may not be a professional or do not have all the answers, I do feel that I have knowledge to impart and want to share my insights with you in the hope that it will be of some help in your parenting journey!

I would love hear from you – what has been the hardest part of your parenting journey and what has it taught you?

Too read more of my parenting insights click here

 

 

Children, Competitions, Education, Family

South African Maths Challenge 2012

Maths Challenge

SA Maths Challenge

Schools, classes and individuals are once again invited to compete in another exciting and educational SA Maths Challenge due to take place on the 18 and 19 September. The internet-based challenge, which is free to all learners from Grade R right through to grade 12, enables anybody to take part in real-time maths challenges powered by the Mathletics platform. Here they can put their best mental arithmetic skills against other students from around the world. Not only will the top performers go into the selection process to become Ambassadors of the World Education Games 2013 but there are lots of other exciting prizes up for grabs for the top students, classes and schools in each category.

The challenge is run in conjunction with 3P Learning, the founders of World Maths Day, and encourages learners from all over the country to practice hard to break the South African record for the largest online maths competition in the country. Rob Masefield, SA General Manager for 3P Learning says that in line with the goals of our education departments, this challenge is an ideal way for teachers to inspire learners by letting them do something different and inspiring with Maths.

The competition is very popular as it encourages learners of all ages, backgrounds and abilities to have a go at maths in a fun, interactive and accessible way and at a level which is suited to their varying abilities. They can improve the speed and accuracy of their maths in a fun interactive manner. Best of all participation in the competition is free – all students need is internet access, says Masefield.

Registration for schools is already open and students need to register before the night of 17 September. There are two distinct stages. Each day runs from midnight to midnight. The free practice session for learners commenced this week on 3 September allowing them the opportunity to hone their skills before the big event. Learners and teachers can go to www.samathschallenge.co.za to register and take part.

The first day is a Curriculum Maths Challenge where students are set a special challenge curriculum course, suitable for their age group. “This tests the students’ knowledge of Maths concepts, “says Masefield. The second day is where the fun really starts and here students compete in a live maths challenge. In sets of 60 seconds they play mental arithmetic races with other students from across the world. “Not only does this test their concept knowledge but also their speed,” says Masefield.

Masefield confirms that students already licensed for Mathletics or Spellodrome need not register and can automatically participate in the challenge by signing in to www.samathschallenge.co.za and using their existing user name and password.

In the 2011 South African competition nearly 50 000 students were eligible to compete and it is anticipated that the response this year will be even greater. “So come on, learners, register and get practicing!” encourages Masefield.

Super Mom Blog is giving away a R500 Exclusive Books voucher to one lucky student, you can enter the voucher giveaway yourself or get your mom or dad to enter for you! All you need to do is answer the simple question below, tell us what grade you are in and you could be spending that voucher at Exclusive Books!

All you need to do to win the R500 Exclusive Book Voucher is answer the simple question below:~
  • Who are the current top 3 students in the SA Maths Challenge – click here to find your answer. Remember to leave a comment with your answer and your grade in the comment section below!
    Please tweet about this to let you friends know – Enter the #SAMathsChallenge and Win a R500 Exclusive Books Voucher on @supermomsablog ! Or post about it on Facebook!

    Competition Details and Disclaimer:

    • The Maths Challenge Competition will run from 12th September 2012, until midnight on the 16th September 2012. The winner will then be randomly selected and announced on Super Mom Blog. The winner will also be notified via email that they have won.
    • The winner will receive a R500 Exclusive Books Voucher.
    • Please leave a comment on this blog, below the post, stating that you have completed the above; along with your details in the comment section below this post (please include your email address). If you do not complete this step your entry will not be valid.
    • Conditions of entry: Anyone may enter this giveaway but please advised that prize will only be shipped within South Africa. The prize may not be exchanged for cash.
    • Any person/s who have won a competition on Super Mom Blog in the last 3 months are not eligible for entry.

Children, Family, Fathers, Mothers, Parenting, Parenting Advice

Guilt Free Parenting

 

Much to my surprise the word “guilt” seems to be largely associated with the act of parenting; I have come across a few articles recently about this very association. Strangely enough they actually should have nothing in common but still we keep hearing about how guilty parents feel about : “ not spending enough quality time with their children”, “not participating in school events or functions”, “not giving equal attention to each child”… and so the list goes on.

Firstly let us look at the dictionary definition of the word “guilt” – “an awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret”.  “OMW” 🙁 this does not sound like a healthy mind-set for someone trying to parent children.

The big question is, why are we feeling so much guilt and are we passing the “Guilt Gene” onto our children? I sincerely hope not because the last thing I want is my children growing up, with such a negative outlook.

If I think back to my early days of motherhood, I can remember feeling completely overwhelmed by the responsibility I had for this young life – if you let it, this can turn into feelings of guilt, inadequacy and even depression. We might not realise it but we may harbour feelings of regret or guilt from our own childhood and this can often manifest, in a damaging way in our own parenting.

Just the other day my 8-year-old was questioning why I had not completed filling in her baby journal and yes this is true (*Blush*) but I decided that instead of feeling guilty about it I would suggest that we complete it together! The result – making the experience a positive and bonding one, instead of me feeling wracked with guilt and explaining that I am not perfect . {And honestly have just not had the time.}

So what can we do to stop this pattern from occurring in our lives? I think, essentially we need to say NO to guilt! This brings me back to an article I read many years ago. I cannot tell you who wrote it but the essence is: you need to practice “good enough parenting”. This sounds like such an easy concept but think about it – you actually need to learn how to say “no”. That means not over committing yourself – which can be hard for many of us to do, especially moms. Stop being a people pleaser – ask me, I know I am one; stop trying to be everything to everybody! This includes your children. I need to remind myself, that I do not always have to give in to everything they want and I need to say no sometimes and yes – not feel guilty about it.

Another very important part of not allowing guilt to rule your life is not being afraid to fail because if we let our fear of not being a good parent or making mistakes take over, we can never be who we were truly intended to be as people or parents! So it really comes down to “the good, the bad and the ugly” no holds barred Guilt Free Parenting.

This clearly is something I know I need to work on – so let’s say it together “I will banish the guilt!” Stop trying so hard and being so hard on yourself -stop the blame game – let it go and just be free from it!

A few books on the topic which could be helpful to read:
  • “Guilt-Free Motherhood: Parenting with Godly Wisdom”- by Julianna Slattery
  • “Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, & Raise Happier Kids”- by Julie Bort, Aviva Pflock and Devra Renner MSW
  • “The Balanced Mom: Raising Your Kids Without Losing Yourself”- by Bria Simpson
  • “Motherhood Without Guilt: Being The Best Mother You Can Be and Feeling Great About It”-by Debra Rosenberg

*Please note: This is an update of a previous post.*

 

Book Reviews, Books, Children, Family, Parenting, Reviews and Features

Reflections in Motion

We all understand the importance of treasured memories, especially those of us who have lost loved ones. Photography has always been my way of preserving precious memories and I love looking back at my photos to see how my girls have grown. Another way to preserve these memories is through journaling, something I wish my mom had done for me.

I thought I would share these wonderful journals with you, brought to South African by Martine Donachie, the founder of Reflections in Motion.

Having lost her father  to  Chronic  Kidney  Disease in 2009, Martine was inspired to change her life, find a way to add more meaning to it and somehow, honour the memory of her late father. After achieving a Certificate in Coaching Practice, Martine founded her own coaching business, Reflections in Motion, which focused on life and business coaching, making use of journaling to reflect on one’s life journey.

In 2011, Martine was  introduced  to the “From You to Me” concept. Having a clear understanding of  journaling and experiencing the loss of a parent, Martine immediately recognised the synergies between these two concepts… and the rest is history.

From  You  to Me was founded in the UK by Neil Coxon, and is now brought to South Africa by Reflections in Motion.

Bump to Birthday is a pregnancy and first year journal, allowing you to record your pregnancy, birth and “firsts” in great detail, in a gorgeous hard cover journal. There are lovely framed areas to put your ultrasound pics or photographs of yourself, as your “bump” grows. What a wonderful way to record this amazing time in your life and then show your child once they are old enough to understand!

Our Story – For My Daughter is a wonderful way for you as a mom or dad to record all the amazing things that happen in your precious daughters life. From her first year, you can record all life’s little adventures, where she went to school, what her favourite food was, things that you may not remember when she is older. You also have place to stick photos and make notes about her likes and dislikes. Oh and not to forget the pretty pink and red illustrations!

Our Story – For My Son is identical to the journal for my daughter but you guessed it – it’s blue!

With these journals there is no excuse for not remembering all the important milestones in your child life: when they took their first step, when they said their first word or for that matter what it was. It is something wonderful that you can do for your son or daughter and then present it to them when they are all grown-up!

Reflections in Motion hard cover journals are perfect to give as gifts; they are so pretty, beautifully illustrated and anyone would be delighted to receive one! If you would like to find out more about these and the other journals that Reflections in Motion sell, click over to their website here.

Disclaimer: These journals were provided to Super Mom Blog by Reflections in Motion for review purposes.

Children, Competitions, Education, Family

Pictures and Words Toddlers Book Giveaway

Pictures and words

Learning to read is such an important milestone in your child’s life and as parents we need to provide the right tools for our children to do so! The Pictures and Words Toddlers Book is a perfect first reader for those chubby little hands. It is made from durable cardboard, is fun and colourful, with pictures and words that reflect our local culture.

Pictures-&-Words2

I am pleased to announce that I am giving away 5 of these super cute Pictures and Words Toddlers Books!

What do you need to do to enter:~

  • Like Super Mom Blog’s Facebook Page.
  • Once you have completed all of the above steps leave a comment on this blog, below the post, stating that you have done so .
  • Please tweet about this fab giveaway to let you friends know – Fun for kiddies with Pictures and Words @supermomsablog  ! Or post about it on Facebook!

Competition Details and Disclaimer:

  • The Pictures and Words Toddlers Book Giveaway will run from 23rd August 2012, until the 31st August 2012. The winner/s will then be randomly selected and announced on Super Mom Blog. The winner will also be notified via email that they have won.
  • The winner/s will each receive a Pictures and Words Cape Town Book valued at R100 each.
  • Please leave a comment on this blog, below the post, stating that you have completed the above; along with your details in the comment section below this post (please include your email address). If you do not complete this step your entry will not be valid.
  • Conditions of entry: Anyone may enter this giveaway but please advised that prizes will only be shipped within South Africa. The prize may not be exchanged for cash. 
  •  Any person/s who have won a competition on Super Mom Blog in the last 3 months are not eligible for entry.
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